Being in nature for me is about being present in nature. Our humanness, our spirit is in large part derived from nature. For me, that spirit, that quality that we are always a welcomed guest whenever we enter the natural world has never been lost on me. I have had the privilege of exploring the same land since I was 7 years old. The same 100 acres of land my father purchased and gave the Estonian name “Metsa Mari” or “Forest of the Berries”. He named it after a handful of blueberries we found as children on the winding path to the outhouse. I have witnessed countless seasons and so many narratives of nature play out. It has been a training ground in recognizing that spirit, that dynamic quality that is simply nature. To say that dynamic quality or spirit communicates with me is perhaps a bit dramatic. It doesn’t communicate in words or ideas. Just sit quietly in nature, let it enter you and you just know with clarity that you are there.
I remember with clarity that one day when I was 10 I walked in the middle of Metsa Mari along a deer path and stopped. I remember saying to myself, “I bet I could learn something cool about nature.” I recognized there were no textbooks or a formal teacher to aid my learning, yet intuitively I understood there was something to be learned. “But what?” I wondered. So I slowly walked along the deer path until I came to a fork. I wondered which path to take, so I followed each one to see where the path led and then asked myself why a deer would take either path. So started a lifelong education that has served me well.
As a painter, I find there is a similar, yet very different spirit that leads or guides me. In the fall when I go out in nature to hunt deer, I find myself standing before the woods and saying to myself, “Go find where the deer will be” and I just start walking. I don’t know exactly where I am walking to, but I know when I get there. When I paint I have an idea or an intuitive feeling of what I want to paint. I have developed several skills that help me. Yet I have found myself sitting before paintings I have started, wondering what the next step would be. Instead of the spirit of nature guiding me, I have to search within myself and let my humanity guide me.
There is a crossroads when I find myself painting nature. As a painter who finds himself in nature, there is an abundance of beauty we are all captivated by. I find so many colors, textures, and compositions that fill my senses. The number of amazing sunsets and sunrises I have witnessed is countless. Yet to try and paint those experiences in nature is difficult. It is like taking a photo, it is at its best, only a reminder of the experience, it can never recreate being there in the moment. That is why I have stopped taking pictures of them, no matter how cool or unique they seem. I struggle in recreating the experience nature has created and try to capture something different. I guess it is creating the experience of my humanity in nature.
Last April the spring thaw made the ground around my cabin a muddy mess. The ground was so saturated with water you could sense the mud oozing under the leaves. I was walking to my woodpile staring at the ground. There was both beauty and ugliness to what I was seeing. I remember the colors and textures so vividly. When I got back to the cabin, I stoked the stove and immediately started painting. In two days I was done. “Spring Thaw” was done. For myself, I managed to capture all the beauty I had experienced. The painting is born from my humanity, my spirit, and my love of nature.
Metsa Studio 